Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
