I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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