I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
