I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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