He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
