His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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