youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
