Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
