Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i drank out of a bidet.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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