I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
