I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
