if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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