I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize