And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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