two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
