He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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