Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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