my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
