Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
