she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
