Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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