All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
