Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
