I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he thought i was a dude.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
