You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
