im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
