So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
