ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
