I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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