So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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