so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
