This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize