my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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