you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize