Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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