8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
