we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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