Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In other news, I just burned my penis
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
