He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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