New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
