some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
