Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
