I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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