I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
