the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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