You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
