i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
