I think i peed on brittanys purse
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
