george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
