The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize