Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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