Im at strip club and am horny
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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