Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
