i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
