I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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