Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
