Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
