Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
