remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize