Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
