Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
