i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
