Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
