This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
