he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
