remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
