she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
