also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
