you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
