He had one of those small greek statue penises
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
