it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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