Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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