Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think my vagina is haunted
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
