Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
