you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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