Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
