Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
