The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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