just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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