sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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