Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
