1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
