1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
