When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
