Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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