I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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