Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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