you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
