Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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