She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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