So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
