It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
