Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize