Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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