Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
