oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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