just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's just like the Real World with babies
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
