I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
