Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
