I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
